So yesterday I had the chance to spend the day with a woman who has been a friend, confidant, and all kinds of other things for over 9 years of my life. I met her at school so many many years ago and everything just fell into place. She was such a huge part of my life for so long, and we spent almost every weekend together even after we moved pretty far apart. I live south of St Louis and she lives in St Charles now. This woman had my heart in ways that I didn't think until she and I could not be around each other anymore. (her hubby has major issues) I met my husband through her, well them, and she has ALWAYS been there for me. Even if it was a period of us not talking so much if something has happened to me, she has dropped everything and been here. (kinda cool when that happens) So anyway she is in a coven, which I have been invited to join, and yesterday we went and hung out....grabbed coffee, walked Main Street, giggled, talked, cried, laughed, sat by the water, and spent pretty much the whole day together. (oh yeah we shopped too) In the evening we went to the coven meeting and boy was that something....felt like home in so many ways....

This lady is someone who has been in my life, and then left, and then come back, and then left etc etc.......and I was talking to her about a recent loss of love I have experienced and made the comment "if i am so goddamn fabulous and dynamic then why do people who "love" me keep leaving" and she got quiet. We walked for awhile and then she pulled me in the direction of the water and we sat. Her words to me were this ....

"I can not speak for the others, but for me, when I have left you, it was like a part of me had died. I thought of you every day, missed you terribly, and eventually I just couldnt stay away from you anymore. Everyone who has walked away, who has truly been connected to you emotionally, has tried to come back, or has at the very least become your friend again. I know that for me, you are someone that you don't even know that you need in your life until you are gone. Once you are gone, life sucks...lol" She clarified so many things for me yesterday with several situations, and there are things I wish I could say to people but there is really no point. If it is meant to happen, that I get a chance to speak my mind....it will. It was freaky in a way that she could echo the same feelings or sentiments that were spoken to me by others....both about me....and how they felt/feel about me, or about the fact that eventually one day.....they know they will be back (and so far each and every one of them has like she said at the very least been a good friend)

After the meeting we went to get food and coffee and we talked of her marriage. It is not good. No matter how much they truly focus on each other he continues to treat her the same. I feel so bad for her, but at the same time it made me immensely grateful that my husband HAS ALWAYS LOVED ME FOR ME FROM DAY ONE AND CONTINUES TO DO SO.....

As her and I finished up, and we watched a little old couple walk in, sit down and share their meal....She said I can totally see you and B being like that, hell you already are.....but I don't see that anymore with G" It is sad when people stay together for kids, or because it is comfort, because they have done it for so long....

I know she will continue to be in my life, some people are just meant to be...no matter how much time apart you always seem to come together....that is pretty awesome...

I came home and sat Sir down and told him that I have no more doubt as to his love, dedication, or devotion to me. For whatever it is I did to deserve him........I am glad I did it. We spent the entire evening in bed together.....with all ranges of emotions and passions...tears resulted for me (which is a huge indicator of an intense emotional connection, tears after orgasm or during = good stuff)

Today back up to St Louis for dinner with the sister in law for a belated bday celebration for my youngest son. I will be pouring over Algebra and writing my Ethics paper for the umpteenth time.....4 more days of school then weeks off...........woohoo......